Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
