sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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