No awkward lesbian experiences without me
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
