dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
