i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
