I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
