No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
she looked like the before picture.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
