I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Randomize
