note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
you inspire me to be a worse person
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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