I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
