I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
