My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
