She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
