He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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