New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
