My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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