OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
The best revenge is premature balding
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
