just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
