yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
