i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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