Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
