you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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