so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
