He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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