She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
