i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
farters have to be the big spoon...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
