Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
