I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
