cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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