I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
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