i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
