I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
