Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
