too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
