Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
