I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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