I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
