make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
