im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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