Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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