At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
