awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
