U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
ugly people sure do ruin things
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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