If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
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