do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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