I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
