yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
