Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
