this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
