i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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