Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
