i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
If I die, sorry about rent.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
