dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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