Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
did you just send me my own nude
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You've changed since you got that strap on
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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