why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
