i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
