Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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