Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
