You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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