based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
