That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
